my revert story **Catrina**

La ilaha illa Allah

As Salam Alaikum , Brothers and Sisters,

 

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may his blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions. 

 

I was always brought up with the belief in God and only one God, my mother had us christened catholic as babies , so we celebrated christmas, easter etc, but mum was never very religious, mum taught us to say the lords prayer before bed.

My younger brother found Islam a few years ago, on his visits he would always try and explain how the bible had been re written to mans liking ,  i just used to listen and although what he tried to teach me was interesting and some of it made sense, i was still  not understanding, as my children grew and made more friends via school and after Religious Education lessons at school they would come home and tell me about the different religions, i then became more open minded to others and learnt  more about people , some religions made no sense at all to me , but the more i heard and read about Islam, it was making sense.

 

My eldest son, 15 yrs of age at the time, came home from school one day and said what would i do if he became a muslim?, well i was lost for words as i had not expected this at all, as only a yr previous he had been christened Church of England at his request, so this was a complete surprise, i told him to do more research and learn more about becoming a muslim and to read some more of the bible and read the quran, he said he would, The next day he came home from school and said , “mum don’t be angry, i’v said Shahada ” i looked at him and said “what is Shahada”? I was once again surprised, but it was his choice and up to him, he then explained that he can only eat Halal meat, i knew what this was because i had catered for my brother , so this was not a problem, later that day my other son who was 13 told us that he had been learning about islam which i sort of knew  he had been, as he was not christened with his siblings.

 

Learning all this from my two eldest sons i rang my brother and told him , straight after work he came round with prayer caps and prayer mats and was making sure that my mind was at ease, Which it was i was totally at ease in my heart and mind , as i saw it i had done a good job as  a mother so far, in making sure my children believed in God, and even more proud that they had made up their own minds on their paths to follow, my thought was, they are going to be good boys not out on street corners, drinking, smoking getting arrested, instead thy will be doing good to others and taking good care of them selves. all this was in the june by the second Eid of that year my second eldest son had said his Shahada.

 

A year later my eldest was at mosque and got a invite to go to do Hajj all paid for by a brother, i was very worried and suspicious as any mother would be, but i was assured that it was a most charitable thing a muslim could do for another muslim, so i signed the letter to agree for my son to go out to Saudi Arabia , i did a lot of research before and after signing and learnt a lot during the months leading up to my son leaving for Mecca,  during this time i had a dream that all my neighbours were shouting out of their windows AS SALAM ALAIKUM CATRINA, yet none of them are muslim, i woke up with tears and a pounding in my chest , the same kind of feeling i had when i had my children and saw their little faces for the first time it was a feeling of happiness and love, yet i also felt confused, what did it mean i , did not tell my husband or my sons straight away i just found Quran app on my phone and read it when ever i got the chance , i started asking my brother more questions, and researching more on the net. 

Whilst my son was performing hajj, i was watching our brothers and sister circling the Kubba every night before i went to sleep  i was becoming closer and closer to Islam.

 

Whilst reading the Quran via the computer i decided to listen to it in Arabic . WOW it is so beautiful, so as well as reading our Holy Quran and Allah’s word making more and more sense to me , unlike any other holy book, and realising , there was not any possible way this was mans word there is just so much knowledge that could not possibly be known by man of that time 1400 years ago , and then there is the sound of it being recited in Arabic, it could not be changed by man for if man tried to change the word of God in this book it would not sound right it would not flow so smoothly from the tongue, it would have flaws and not have that rhythmic sound , to me definitely a book  of knowledge and wisdom that only our creator could know ,.

 

Now upon realising this i still had my worries. secretly wanted to become a muslim practise islam pray the way that i was supposed to , but i tried fighting it i would try and find reasons not to revert , id seen the way family members had reacted to my sons reverting and when ever my brother mentioned needing to go and pray when he was visiting my mum the look on her face ,   and if he mentioned, anything about islam the debates that would happen , i didn’t want this to happen.  So when ever my boys or my brother would mention me reverting ,  id say it is good enough that i believe, im not wanting to put a label on me and there no way i want to cover up ,.

 My eldest came back from Saudi Arabia just after Eid so elated , and i had learnt so much, i finally realised i had a pulling in my chest again i needed to read something about Islam or read a bit of the Quran each day, i finally spoke to my husband about it and his first words were “It up to you but im not becoming a muslim” i told him im not asking you to become muslim. 

 

I kept trying to question things but i could not, i spoke more to my husband and he said he was happy if i were happy, he started reading Quran also he admitted that he didn’t understand much so i tried to help where ever i could, and i would bring the subject of islam up every time my brother visited , . 

Then one day i declared that i do want to revert, probably soon, but still not quite ready to commit , my brother explained that , the sooner i reverted the better as were not promised tomorrow .

 

 My  brother and sister in law invited us for Eid last october, and i asked him could i take Shahada , He cried with such delight, My brother arranged for me to visit a brother and uncle that guided him and my second eldest son for their Shahada, after our meal my husband stated that he would like to come with us, then Subhanallah in the car on the way to our brother and uncle my husband declared that he also wished to do Shahada , well you can imagine my face my brothers face our two sons faces were smiling wider then the car bumper, it was wonderful.

 

 We said our Shahada and talked Brother Safar asked the question that i get a lot now    What made me decide, and i love explaining to born muslims and non muslims, And i think some wished they hadn’t asked as i do go on a bit  .

 

 I didn’t wear hijab straight away,  i did want to but did not have the confidence, to worried what others would say , over the winter months i started draping my scarf over my head when my mum asked why i just told her that it was to stop the draft, yes my mum still did not know that i was a muslim yet, then after we stopped getting the  drizzles of snow in february , i decided i didn’t care what any one else thought  of me this is me i like me . 

My husband knew i wanted to cover properly, so i bought a big thinner scarf wrapped it around my head and shoulders clipped it in place and took the children to school , and do you know what the reaction of other mums were, Nothing no one battered an eyelid other mums still spoke to me , over the weeks some asked if i was a muslim or weather i just liked the fashion, my reply this is not fashion it is modesty , , there are one or two that don’t speak but there are so many that do and alot more mums that have spoken to me for the first time new sisters,

 One new sister that i did not know was  a born Muslim approached me in a shop and informed me that she had seen me at the school playground and that she had a lot of respect for me being brave enough to wear hijab, and that she had had a dream a while before about her dad placing a covering over her head, and that she knew she needed to wear hijab, and it only since she has seen me wearing hijab that she will soon wear it also. A week later i got tapped on the shoulder at the school , i turned around to see our sister wearing hijab and she was thanking me for making her feel guilty for not wearing hijab,  and me not liking the thought of making someone feel bad, i apologised , she said No it is good and that i would get blessings for reminding her of the right way to dress.

Im know looking forward to my first Ramadan with my family In Shaa ALLAH.

In shaa Allah we keep on the straight path me and my family .     

Catrina x