Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may his blessings
and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and
Companions.
I was always brought up with the belief in God and only one God, my
mother had us christened catholic as babies , so we celebrated
christmas, easter etc, but mum was never very religious, mum taught us
to say the lords prayer before bed.
My younger brother found Islam a few years ago, on his visits he
would always try and explain how the bible had been re written to mans
liking , i just used to listen and although what he tried to teach me
was interesting and some of it made sense, i was still not
understanding, as my children grew and made more friends via school and
after Religious Education lessons at school they would come home and
tell me about the different religions, i then became more open minded to
others and learnt more about people , some religions made no sense at
all to me , but the more i heard and read about Islam, it was making
sense.
My eldest son, 15 yrs of age at the time, came home from school one
day and said what would i do if he became a muslim?, well i was lost
for words as i had not expected this at all, as only a yr previous he
had been christened Church of England at his request, so this was a
complete surprise, i told him to do more research and learn more about
becoming a muslim and to read some more of the bible and read the quran,
he said he would, The next day he came home from school and said , “mum
don’t be angry, i’v said Shahada ” i looked at him and said “what is
Shahada”? I was once again surprised, but it was his choice and up to
him, he then explained that he can only eat Halal meat, i knew what this
was because i had catered for my brother , so this was not a problem,
later that day my other son who was 13 told us that he had been learning
about islam which i sort of knew he had been, as he was not christened
with his siblings.
Learning all this from my two eldest sons i rang my brother and
told him , straight after work he came round with prayer caps and prayer
mats and was making sure that my mind was at ease, Which it was i was
totally at ease in my heart and mind , as i saw it i had done a good job
as a mother so far, in making sure my children believed in God, and
even more proud that they had made up their own minds on their paths to
follow, my thought was, they are going to be good boys not out on street
corners, drinking, smoking getting arrested, instead thy will be doing
good to others and taking good care of them selves. all this was in the
june by the second Eid of that year my second eldest son had said his
Shahada.
A year later my eldest was at mosque and got a invite to go to do
Hajj all paid for by a brother, i was very worried and suspicious as any
mother would be, but i was assured that it was a most charitable thing a
muslim could do for another muslim, so i signed the letter to agree for
my son to go out to Saudi Arabia , i did a lot of research before and
after signing and learnt a lot during the months leading up to my son
leaving for Mecca, during this time i had a dream that all my
neighbours were shouting out of their windows AS SALAM ALAIKUM CATRINA,
yet none of them are muslim, i woke up with tears and a pounding in my
chest , the same kind of feeling i had when i had my children and saw
their little faces for the first time it was a feeling of happiness and
love, yet i also felt confused, what did it mean i , did not tell my
husband or my sons straight away i just found Quran app on my phone and
read it when ever i got the chance , i started asking my brother more
questions, and researching more on the net.
Whilst my son was performing hajj, i was watching our brothers and
sister circling the Kubba every night before i went to sleep i was
becoming closer and closer to Islam.
Whilst reading the Quran via the computer i decided to listen to it
in Arabic . WOW it is so beautiful, so as well as reading our Holy
Quran and Allah’s word making more and more sense to me , unlike any
other holy book, and realising , there was not any possible way this was
mans word there is just so much knowledge that could not possibly be
known by man of that time 1400 years ago , and then there is the sound
of it being recited in Arabic, it could not be changed by man for if man
tried to change the word of God in this book it would not sound right
it would not flow so smoothly from the tongue, it would have flaws and
not have that rhythmic sound , to me definitely a book of knowledge and
wisdom that only our creator could know ,.
Now upon realising this i still had my worries. secretly wanted to
become a muslim practise islam pray the way that i was supposed to , but
i tried fighting it i would try and find reasons not to revert , id
seen the way family members had reacted to my sons reverting and when
ever my brother mentioned needing to go and pray when he was visiting my
mum the look on her face , and if he mentioned, anything about islam
the debates that would happen , i didn’t want this to happen. So when
ever my boys or my brother would mention me reverting , id say it is
good enough that i believe, im not wanting to put a label on me and
there no way i want to cover up ,.
My eldest came back from Saudi Arabia just after Eid so elated ,
and i had learnt so much, i finally realised i had a pulling in my chest
again i needed to read something about Islam or read a bit of the Quran
each day, i finally spoke to my husband about it and his first words
were “It up to you but im not becoming a muslim” i told him im not
asking you to become muslim.
I kept trying to question things but i could not, i spoke more to
my husband and he said he was happy if i were happy, he started reading
Quran also he admitted that he didn’t understand much so i tried to help
where ever i could, and i would bring the subject of islam up every
time my brother visited , .
Then one day i declared that i do want to revert, probably soon,
but still not quite ready to commit , my brother explained that , the
sooner i reverted the better as were not promised tomorrow .
My brother and sister in law invited us for Eid last october, and
i asked him could i take Shahada , He cried with such delight, My
brother arranged for me to visit a brother and uncle that guided him and
my second eldest son for their Shahada, after our meal my husband
stated that he would like to come with us, then Subhanallah in the car
on the way to our brother and uncle my husband declared that he also
wished to do Shahada , well you can imagine my face my brothers face our
two sons faces were smiling wider then the car bumper, it was
wonderful.
We said our Shahada and talked Brother Safar asked the question that i get a lot now
What made me decide, and i love explaining to born muslims and non muslims, And i think some wished they hadn’t
asked as i do go on a bit .
I didn’t wear hijab straight away, i did want to but
did not have the confidence, to worried what others would say , over
the winter months i started draping my scarf over my head when my mum
asked why i just told her that it was to stop the draft, yes my mum
still did not know that i was a muslim yet, then after we stopped
getting the drizzles of snow in february , i decided i didn’t care what
any one else thought of me this is me i like me .
My husband knew i wanted to cover properly, so i bought a big
thinner scarf wrapped it around my head and shoulders clipped it in
place and took the children to school , and do you know what the
reaction of other mums were, Nothing no one battered an eyelid other
mums still spoke to me , over the weeks some asked if i was a muslim or
weather i just liked the fashion, my reply this is not fashion it is
modesty , , there are one or two that don’t speak but there are so many
that do and alot more mums that have spoken to me for the first time new
sisters,
One new sister that i did not know
was a born Muslim approached me in a shop and informed me that she had
seen me at the school playground and that she had a lot of
respect for me being brave enough to wear hijab, and that she had had a
dream a while before about her dad placing a covering over her head,
and that she knew she needed to wear hijab, and it only since she has
seen me wearing hijab that she will soon wear it also. A week later i
got tapped on the shoulder at the school , i turned around to see our
sister wearing hijab and she was thanking me for making her feel guilty
for not wearing hijab, and me not liking the thought of making someone
feel bad, i apologised , she said No it is good and that i would get
blessings for reminding her of the right way to dress.
Im know looking forward to my first Ramadan with my family In Shaa ALLAH.
In shaa Allah we keep on the straight path me and my family .
Catrina x
