Professional woman pilot reverts to Islam ( My Road in Islam )

 I grew up in a Roman Catholic family, schools and universities. I was always very interested in knowing about religion and always questioned the “dogmas” of the catholic faith, but I  found the same answers every time I asked about the trinity , “ you had to believe and not question your faith because you are committing a sin”, the nuns at the school always replied. With this concept I grew up and  I developed a fear to challenge my faith, so I continued in the road of Christianity with a great faith and trust in God and  on what I learn to believe  “ the Holy trinity.”

In 2001 I had the first meeting with Islam when I worked for a Canadian Company own by Muslims, there I had my first confrontation with Islam, but I was young and very much dedicated to my professional career so I left the questions about religion behind, and I concentrated on finishing my career and taking care of my responsibilities with my family who also relocated with me from Colombia, my mother and my grandmother whose are now 61 and 93 years old. I was very blessed with the family were I was born; these two women taught me the love and respect to God, they started my journey to Islam by teaching me that I could not be or do anything without faith in God. Regardless the school they adhere or followed they taught me all about faith and respect for God.

I got married in 2003, a marriage that unfortunately marked my life with domestic violence but out of the sad episode I had my dearest son who is now eight years old. My husband at the time did not believe in God or I should said he believed on his own way, he drew me far from God even from Christianity, it is the most sad episode of my life, but one day in 2005 I broke out of that situation with the Help of my Mother and I continued life alone with my son, my mother and working hard to achieve  my career goals while  becoming the main provider of my home.

Aviation brought me many opportunities most of them really good, I had the opportunity to live in Malaysia a country that shares three religions, Islam mainly, Induhism and Buddhism, then I lived in South america and I worked in United States as Corporate Pilot, now I am  an Airline pilot flying mainly to Asia, Middle East and Europe. Unfortunately being the only female Pilot almost every where I go I spend lost of time lonely, most of my colleagues spend their spare time in nigh clubs and bars, and I was looking for something else that I could not find never in a club or at a bar, so I dedicated my spare time to continue my University  studies online, but no time for God other than a small pray in the morning and maybe at night time, no time to go to churches, so I was growing as a career woman but what about the life after???...

When I travel to the Middle East I always felt something  special inside , there I felt like dressing in a more decent manner than I normally did, I used to  wear tight jeans , tight  pants and fashion tops but I didn’t feel like dressing on that way on the Middle East,  not at a place where they call the name of God five times a day...I felt ashamed…..I guess this is how the conversion started .. once in Bahrein while waiting for my airplane to be fixed, I downloaded the Quran and I started praying every day in the morning before going to the breakfast. I was feeling very empty inside;  my life then was limited to wake up, work, eat, exercise and sleep….but what about my spiritual life???, not even  when I returned back to Home, I was not leading my son spiritually in the way I was suppose to. Previously on my search to find God I went from the Catholic church to the Baptist church, and after the ceremony of the baptism we only went  back to church a few times, mainly because of my tight schedule at work  and honestly  there was no connection, something was  missing, I was not there completely.

Was God in my life?? Yes, indeed , but He had better plans for me I think he was just waiting for me to realize that my life was not only to work and pay bill,  he knew  I had more responsibilities with myself and my son, those responsibilities  to build the life after;  so God knocked at my door...and I was afraid to open, I thought just by talking to God on my mind all day and say his name many times in the day was enough to feed my soul….but not it wasn’t enough, God knew I was on urgent need of him saving my life.

The moment I said Islam was for me, it was in the Middle East; when I heard the call for praying, at that moment I had to cover my eyes with my sun glasses in front of the other pilots that were with me on the way to the restaurant, because my eyes covered with tears...I felt like saying; stop! I have to join this pray. I still remember one of them making fun of the songs of the Quran, and I felt so upset inside, I felt like calling him ignorant, don’t you realize is a call for praying to God?… but the words didn’t come out , but the tears kept rolling down my eyes. On that night after dinner I came to my room grabbed the praying rug and bowed dow to God as I asked for his guidance for my spiritual light. After that night my search started more strong than ever, I watched videos, read the Quran on my long flights, looked out for Islamic organizations to find answers, and finally one day in Argentina while resting after a long flight I listed a program about Islam in the country, so I  googled for Islam in South America and I found that I was not the only hispanic interested in Islam, the community was bigger than what any one could imagine. I committed my self to return to Argentina soon and visit the biggest Masjid in the American Continent. so I did, three months passed and I was assigned to a trip to Argentina on the thanksgivings day. After arriving I made an appointment and went to visit the Masjid, met with the Sheij, a person from South Arabia who leads the Masjid, we talk  for about three hours and before I left he asked me if I wanted to embrace Islam, I said right away ,Yes!,  I felt fear for not coming back to Argentina  or maybe not to have that opportunity again.

 My biggest struggle was to change my preconceived conviction of Jesus (Pbuh) being God, at first I felt I was betraying him, I was concerned and scare, I couldn’t wash out those phrases from the nuns back at the school saying “ not to challenge the religion because it was a sin”. This was the most difficult part.

Sheij Mohammed from the Argentina’s Masjid helped me a lot with a little phrase, he said to me; “Ibrahim, Moses, Noah, and Jesus (pbut) where all in this road, do you think is there any reason why you can’t be following them?”…

reading the Quran and finding the recognition that Jesus (pbuh) has, the importance of Maryam  in Islam, she is in Islam more important than for many Christians, reading about the influence of Constantine and how he changed Christianity, all these studies helped a lot in clearing out my mind and feel comfortable with accepting the truth that was always hidden to me, not in purpose, hidden just because that it was the truth that my parents and ancestors knew and “never challenged”.

As far as my lifestyle, I stopped drinking, this happened few months before I accepted Islam, soon after my trip from Bahrein, after I prayed for guidance ,  I met with a good friend of mine; she and I always eat at the same restaurant and had a drink or two with the food,  that day I said “not” I don’t drink any more, and I declared inside of me I was never going to have another alcoholic beverage because I want it to seek  God. Also, I am not eating pork ,I am changing my wardroom, which is very difficult because I love clothing and fashion.  I was always proud of my body and I liked to dress in a way that every one could look at me, now I am starting wearing a Hijab,  wearing losing cloth, abayas and modest long shirt.

At work I am struggling very much, in the company where I work, most people are bias about Islam.

As far as My mother, she is Christian but she said to be glad to my positive changes and she is learning every day more and more about Islam and she feels proud of me being a Muslim and now that my son, 8 years old had also revert by his own willing to Islam she is happy that we are on this safe path seeing for God.

My dreams as new Muslim are  to study Islam sciences and help those families that are struggling with accepting the idea of converting to Islam, I want to focus on children coming to Islam .

I think convert to a new faith is harder for parents with young children because they   can be easy confused, this is why I would like to concentrate in children of converted families in the future.

I also would like as a Muslim Pilot  show the world that Islam is not the submission or oppression that many think it is , and defeat the idea that Islam  rejects career women; all contrary being able to do what I do is something that  only Allah could make possible.

The last thing I would like to share is that I had chosen a Muslim name for me which is Aisha Jibreel. Aisha means New Life, and Islam is a new life for me, and Jibreel, because he is the messenger of Allah and I am in Islam because Allah delivered to my heart a message of Peace by showing me the road to Islam.
 
Aisha Jibreel Alexander
 

Female pilot reverts to Islam. My reasons( 1 of 2)

 

 

 female pilot reverts to Islam. My reason (2 of 2)

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How i found God – Why I chose Islam and not Christianity! ** Anne-Merete **

English translation is following under the original in Norwegian. Just scroll down and you will find it. 

 

Hva er det som får en helt vanlig partyjente fra Norge, uten noen gudetro,  til å tømme barskapet for alkohol, la grisen være et dyr og ikke et måltid, kaste miniskjørtet og deretter gå til innkjøp av et bønneteppe. Hva er årsaken til at et menneske kan forandre seg så mye. En ting er sikkert, det er ikke gjort over natten. Det er ikke sånn at jeg la meg til å sove etter en fuktig kveld på byen og våknet dagen etter og gikk rett inn i en moske. Det tar tid, krefter og tårer. Det som gjør det enda litt mer vanskelig å skjønne er at denne jenta var ikke bare uten gudetro, hun hadde i tillegg et VELDIG negativt syn på Islam.

Første gangen Islam kom inn i livet mitt var det som en religion jeg hatet.

Jeg skal ta dere med på en liten reise. En reise som starter på et lite pikerom en dag på 80 tallet fram til skrivende stund. Jeg var døpt i Kirka som så mange andre, men det var der min religiøse tilhørighet stoppet. Jeg så for meg kirka som en organisasjon som sugde penger ut av statskassen, men den var kjekk å ha i julen. Om jeg tenker tilbake, til den gangen jeg var en liten jente, kan jeg erindre at jeg hadde en form for gudetro. Jeg husker at jeg om kveldene i all hemmelighet snakket til Gud før jeg la meg. Barn har en livlig fantasi, og jeg var intet unntak, så jeg så for meg at vi mennesker var som lego klosser og at det var noen som styrte oss. Noen som bestemte alle bevegelser vi gjorde. Jeg må ha hatt et eller annet innebygd instink om at Gud eksisterer, noe jeg tror alle mennesker er fødd med.
Etter som jeg vokste opp forsvant disse tankene. Og som tenåring var det ikke noe snev igjen av den “lego-gudetroen” jeg hadde som barn. Religiøse mennesker så jeg på som kjedelige og dumme. Hvordan kunne de tro på noe som ikke var bevist. Det var da som å tro på Disney eventyr. Nei, jeg ville leve livet. Det at jeg faktisk ikke hadde sett etter om det var bevis for at Gud fantes, tenkte jeg ikke over.
Livet gikk sin gang, med oppturer og nedturer. Tenkte ikke så mye over verden og andre kulturer før 11.September 2001. Den dagen hele verden fikk øynene opp for Islam. Mitt første møte med Islam kom gjennom nyhetene som rullet over skjermen dag ut og dag inn. Hatet mot disse stenkastede usiviliserte menneskene vokste. Hvem trodde de at de var? Jeg leste alt jeg kom over av propaganda om Islam. Første gangen Islam kom inn i livet mitt var det som en religion jeg hatet. En religion jeg forbandt med terrorisme, midtøsten, Saddam Hussein, Bin Laden, kvinner som var tvunget til å dekke seg til, menn som slo kvinner og en fiende som truet vår “fredelige” verden. Hva jeg den gangen tenkte om Profeten Muhammad (fvmh) vil jeg ikke skrive her, jeg vil ikke engang tenke på det. På den tiden ble jeg medlem i FRP og var veldig engasjert i innvandringsspørsmål og alt som hadde med Islam å gjøre. Når man er på det stadiet så er det vanskelig for noen å få deg til å forandre mening og åpne øynene. Jeg hadde vel ikke så mye imot muslimer som personer, så lenge de ikke var praktiserende. De damene som brukte hijab, eller telt som jeg den gang kalte det, syntes jeg veldig synd på. Jeg trodde at de ble tvunget til det av mennene sine og at deres innerste drøm var å kaste tørklet og bli fri. Mennene var i mine øyne noen onde skapninger som trodde de var bedre en alle andre. Jeg vil poengtere at jeg var ikke rasist, hadde ikke noe imot mennesker fra andre kulturer. Det var Islam jeg hadde noe imot. Men man kan vel sette spørsmålstegn ved om det kanskje kvalifiserer til å kalle meg rasist allikavel…
Jeg har i mange år kjent muslimer, så det er ikke noe argument at jeg ikke hadde kjennskap til menneskene bak religionen. Men de jeg kjente var ikke praktiserende muslimer. Jeg tenkte derfor at de var gode mennesker fordi de hadde blitt mer vestlig. Jeg har spist svinekjøtt sammen med muslimer, og det var for meg en lettelse å se at de hadde vendt ryggen til religionen. Men praktiserende muslimer som lærte meg om Islam hadde jeg ikke møtt. Om jeg skulle fortelle noen om mine muslimske bekjentskaper følte jeg alltid et behov for å berolige de med at “Denne muslimen, spiser svin og drikker alkohol, så det er ikke farlig”. Nå i ettertid kan jeg ikke gjøre annet enn å riste på hodet og le av hvor dum jeg var. Jeg visste om et par muslimer som ikke drakk alkohol, og hadde all slags teorier om at de var ekstreme osv. Best å passe seg for man visste aldri hvilken organisasjon de tilhørte. Kanskje en smule overdrevet, men det var nesten så ille.
Så hva kunne så til denne store forandringen i livet mitt? Jeg liker å si at Jesus viste meg veien til Islam, og det er på noen måter sant. Selv om det var Gud som hjalp meg i riktig retning så var det b.la historien om Jesus i Islam som fikk meg til å åpne øynene. Men før jeg kom så langt som å i det hele tatt lese om Jesus, hva var det som gjorde at jeg tok steget?

Uten at jeg helt vet hvordan så hadde min interesse for Islam begynt å blomstre igjen, men denne gangen uten hatet.

Jeg hadde kommet til et punkt i livet hvor jeg ikke var så engasjert i religiøse temaer lengre. Jeg hadde kommet meg lengre unna propagandaen. Etter mange diskusjoner med religiøse mennesker, både kristne og muslimer, var jeg på et stadie hvor jeg hadde gått tom for argumenter imot religion. Jeg husker at jeg en dag tenkte at de som var religiøse var heldige som hadde personlige svar på sin eksistens. Den siste perioden som ikke-troende hadde jeg den meningen at jeg respekterte at andre har sin religiøse tro, men at jeg ikke har noen.
Uten at jeg helt vet hvordan så hadde min interesse for Islam begynt å blomstre igjen, men denne gangen uten hatet. Jeg var fortsatt overbevist om at den religionen ikke var noe god, men jeg hadde ikke lengre det samme hatet i mitt hjerte. Jeg fikk det for meg at jeg skulle se hva de forskjellige religionene hadde å si, og kanskje jeg fant svaret på min eksistens og meningen med livet i en av de. Etter å ha tatt et kjapt overblikk over alle religionene i verden så bestemte jeg meg for at det må være en monoteistisk religion(en religion som bare tror på en gud). Jeg bestemte meg for å starte med et åpent sinn og blanke ark. Legge bak meg alt jeg hadde lært om Kristendommen, jødedommen og Islam, deretter helt alene og uten påvirkning fra andre sette meg inn i hva de egentlig stod for. Jeg var på det tidspunktet sykemeldt og hadde all verdens tid.
Turen gikk til biblioteket. Jeg kom ut derfra med 3 dvd filmer. En om Kristendommen, en om jødedommen og en om Islam. Den første videoen jeg ville se var den om jødedommen. Men den virket ikke på dvd spilleren min. Og senere fant jeg ut at man måtte være født av en jødisk kvinne for å bli jøde. Da var den religionen uaktuell. Jeg stod da igjen med 2 valg: Kristendommen og Islam. Jeg satt på filmen om Kristendommen, med et håp om at nå skal jeg kanskje finne noe som gjør at jeg tror. Jeg var allerede døpt i Kirka, så det ville vært praktisk å bli kristen. Men ettersom jeg lærte mer om Kristendommen husket jeg årsaken til at jeg aldri hadde trodd på Gud. Det var de historiene om at Jesus var Guds sønn. Hele mitt liv hadde jeg hatt en overbevisning om at Jesus var et menneske som hadde levd, men han var ikke sønn av Gud. For hvorfor skulle Gud ha en sønn, og hvorfor ber kristne til Jesus?. Jesus ba jo aldri til seg selv, han ba til Gud. Dette virket lite troverdig og ga meg ingen mening. For at jeg skal tro på noe må jeg ha bevis for at det er sant! Vel, da var ikke religion noe for meg. Men det var enda en dvd igjen, Islam. Da jeg satt inn den filmen var ikke målet mitt lengre å finne noe å tro på. Da var det mer som underholdning og kanskje jeg kunne lære noe nytt som jeg kunne bruke i diskusjoner om Islam.
Jeg glemmer ALDRI den følelsen som traff meg rett i hjertet da jeg startet filmen. Det var filmet en moske og man hørte Adhan (bønnerop). Jeg hadde hørt disse bønneropene før, b.la på mine reiser til Tyrkia og Irak. Men de hadde aldri gitt meg den følelsen jeg fikk nå. Selv om jeg husker at da jeg var i Istanbul og hotellet var nærmeste nabo til en moske, satt jeg i vinduet å ventet på bønnetiden. Fordi det var så fasinerende.
Etter som jeg så mer av filmen lærte jeg grunnleggende fakta om Islam. Det er synd å si at jeg ikke engang visste om disse helt basic tingene. Og på tross av det så hadde jeg gått rundt å hatet Islam i så mange år. Filmen tok meg med på en reise fra Muhammad(fvmh)`s første møte med engelen Gabriel fram til hvordan muslimer lever idag. Det var en veldig fin film. Den fikk meg ikke til å tro på Islam, men den plantet et frø av nysgjerrighet i meg. For alt dette var nytt for meg. Rett etter at filmen var ferdig åpnet jeg dataen og det var starten på en intens periode som strakk seg over ca 5.mnd. Jeg vil tro at jeg i gjennomsnitt brukte 8 timer hver dag på å lese om Islam. Det var noe som skjedde i det skjulte, ikke engang de som stod meg nærmest visste om dette.

 Faktisk så er Jesus omtalt flere ganger i Koranen enn hva Muhammad er.

Da jeg kom over det som stod om Jesus trodde jeg først at jeg leste noe som omhandlet Kristendommen. Men nei da, der var han. Jesus sønn av Maria. En profet i Islam. Jeg husker jeg tenkte: Selvfølgelig er han en profet. Det var som om jeg hadde fått svar på det som hele livet hadde holdt meg unna religion. Islam ærer alle profetene, og ingen annen religion i hele verden respekterer og opphøyer Jesus på samme måte som Islam gjør. Koranen bekrefter hans jomfrufødsel og Maria anses for å ha vært en av de beste kvinnene som er skapt. Hun har et helt kapittel i Koranen oppkalt etter seg. Om dere virkelig setter dere inn i Islam så vil dere bli forbauset over å se hvor lik Kristendommen og Islam er. Faktisk så er Jesus omtalt flere ganger i Koranen enn hva Muhammad er. Om dette for et par år siden hadde vært et spørsmål på Vil du bli millionær så hadde jeg tapt.
Etter som jeg fikk mer kunnskap begynte de første følelsene av frykt å spre seg. Jeg kjente at dette var noe jeg begynte å tro på, men det var ikke noe alternativ for meg å bli muslim. Jeg fikk panikk og gikk inn i en fase hvor jeg bestemte meg for at dette kan ikke være sannheten. Jeg måtte finne beviser for at dette ikke er sant. Jeg gikk aktivt inn for å lete etter feil med religionen, men det var ikke mulig. Man kan finne ting man ikke liker, eller som man som menneske kanskje kunne ønsket skulle vært annerledes, men det er ikke det samme som at det ikke er sant! Hver gang jeg kom over noe som kunne være feil bestemte jeg meg for å gå dypt inn i det. Men gang på gang fant jeg ut at det hadde en veldig logisk forklaring og måtte være sannheten. Etter som troen ble sterkere ble panikken desto større. Jeg var som en narkoman hvor Islam var mitt dop.
Jeg måtte finne en måte og komme meg unna dette på, jeg tenkte at løsningen var Kristendommen. Jeg måtte rett og slett gå inn for å bli Kristen! Troen på Gud var allerede så sterk at å bli ikke-troende var ikke lengre noe alternativ. Jeg la bort alle bøkene jeg hadde skaffet meg om Islam og satt meg ned og studerte Kristendommen. Men det var så mange motsigelser der, jeg manglet den følelsen av logikk som jeg hadde når jeg leste om Islam. Det ga meg allikevel litt komfort å vite at det er samme Guden i Islam og Kristendommen. Allah er bare det arabiske ordet for Gud. Hmm…. kunne jeg kalle meg selv kristen og ikke tro at Jesus var guds sønn, men en profet? kunne jeg kalle meg selv kristen og tro på at Muhammad var Guds siste profet? Man skal jo egentlig ikke spise svinekjøtt i kristendommen heller, så det ville vel ikke bli så stor forskjell? Jeg så etter alle løsninger jeg kunne komme på. Jeg ville ikke være muslim!!! Hva gjør man da, når man vet at man tror på Islam, men man ikke vil være muslim? Ordet muslim var forbundet med så mye negativt. Jeg så etter alle slags løsninger. Men faktum var at på det tidspunktet var jeg allerede muslim, jeg var bare ikke klar for å innrømme det for meg selv enda.

Jeg så etter alle løsninger jeg kunne komme på, jeg ville ikke være muslim. Hva gjør man da, når man vet at man tror på Islam, men man ikke vil være muslim?

Søken etter Gud hadde startet veldig rolig og avslappet, den hadde gitt meg indre ro. Men over natten hadde alt dette gjort meg til et nervevrak. Jeg hadde ingen å snakke med dette om. Da ville jo hemmeligheten være ute, og ingen ville forstå. Samtidig som denne søken etter Gud pågikk hadde jeg et annet liv utenfor husets fire vegger. Dette var en godt skjult hemmelighet, og jeg levde et dobbeltliv. Så til de som kjente meg den gangen, det er en grunn til at jeg sov lenge om morgenene. Kveldene og natten brukte jeg til noe helt annet enn å sove og se på tv. Innimellom alt stresset fant jeg stor ro i å høre på musikk som handlet om gud. De jeg hørte mest på var Maher Zain, Sami Yusuf og Ahmed Bukhatir.
Sangen til Maher Zain som heter Open your Eyes har en veldig fin tekst og den ga meg mange svar.

Hun sa noe sånn som at: Hva om du dør imorgen, da vil det være forsent. For å bli muslim må man ha troen på at det bare er en Gud og at Muhammad er hans profet. Alt det andre kommer med tiden…

Jeg var aktiv på et forum for muslimske søster, den gangen med en falsk facebook profil så ingen skulle vite hvem jeg var. Jeg stilte mange spørsmål og kom på den måten i kontakt med andre muslimer. Jeg husker jeg laget en post der inne om det å konvertere til Islam. Jeg følte jeg ikke var klar enda, fordi jeg hadde ikke nok kunnskap. Jeg visste ikke hvordan man ber b.la. En jente der inne kom med en kommentar som forandret livet mitt, dessverre husker jeg ikke hvem hun er. Hun sa noe sånn som at: Hva om du dør imorgen, da vil det være forsent. For å bli muslim må man ha troen på at det bare er en Gud og at Muhammad er hans profet. Alt det andre kommer med tiden… Dette var akkurat det jeg trengte å høre for å ta det siste steget. Jeg visste ikke så mye om hvordan man konverterer, ikke er det noen moske her jeg bor heller. Så det jeg gjorde var at jeg skrev Shahada(trosbekjennelsen) ned på et papir. Jeg sørget for at jeg var rituell ren(wudu) og vendte meg i retningen mot Mekkah. Jeg sa deretter disse ordene: ”La ilaha il Allah Muhammad al-Rasoul Allah” (“Det finnes ingen Gud unntatt Allah, og Muhammed er Hans sendebud”) Med disse få ordene hadde jeg entret Islam og jeg hadde blitt muslim!

“La ilaha il Allah Muhammad al-Rasoul Allah” (“Den finnes ingen Gud unntatt Allah, og Muhammed er Hans sendebud”) Med disse få ordene hadde jeg entret Islam og jeg hadde blitt en muslim!

Mange som leser denne historie klarer nok ikke å forstå hvordan jeg kunne tatt dette valget, men sannheten er at jeg hadde ikke noe valg lengre. Av hele mitt hjerte tror jeg at dette er sannheten, det er for meg ingen tvil. Men for å kunne tro må man sette seg inn i hva religionen virkelig sier. Og man er ikke i stand til å tro før Gud åpner hjertet ditt for det. Mitt hjerte har vært lukket i så mange år, og jeg føler meg heldig som har fått denne gaven. Det er et personlig valg som jeg har valgt for meg selv. Troen min skal jeg ikke tvinge på noen. Det eneste jeg ber om er min rett til å ha den. Jeg vet hva mange tenker om meg og jeg vet hva mange sier om meg. Jeg vet på hvilke punkter mange av dere misforstår Islam. Jeg har selv vært på den andre siden! For noen år tilbake var jeg den som snakket negativt om Islam og muslimer, så jeg dømmer dere ikke. Tvert imot, jeg forstår dere. Men gjør dere selv en tjeneste, sett dere inn i hva Islam virkelig er. Ikke for min del, men for deres egen del. Det er ikke noe godt å gå rundt å bære på så mye hat, man går glipp av så utrolig mye.

Troen min skal jeg ikke tvinge på noen. Det eneste jeg ber om er min rett til å ha den. Jeg vet hva mange tenker om meg og jeg vet hva mange sier om meg. Jeg vet på hvilke punkter mange av dere misforstår Islam. Jeg har selv vært på den andre siden!

Dette var historien min om hva som førte til at jeg ble muslim, hva som hendte etter dette skal jeg skrive mer om senere. Det var en lang prosess som førte til at jeg kom ut av skapet som muslim, fram til at jeg nå idag blogger om det så hele verden kan lese. Håper dere vil følge meg videre. Om du har noen spm, eller det er noe du vil jeg skal forklare nærmere så er det bare å skrive til meg.
Salam alleikom (fred være med deg)

ENGLISH TRANSLATION:

What is it that makes a regular party girl from Norway, with no believe in God, to empty the liquor cabinet for alcohol, let the pig be an animal and not a meal, throw the miniskirts and then go to the purchase of a prayer rug. What is the reason that a person can change so much? One thing is for sure, it is not done overnight. It’s not like I went to sleep after a night out and woke up the next day and went straight into a mosque. It takes time, effort and tears. What makes it a little bit more difficult to understand is that this girl, who dident believe in any God, also had a very negative view of Islam.

The first time Islam came into my life, it was as a religion i hated.

I’ll take you on a little journey. A journey that starts in a small girls room, one day in the 80′s, until the time of writing. I was baptized in the church, like so many others, but that was where my religious affiliation stopped. I imagined the church as an organization that sucked money out of the government, but it was nice to have for Christmas. If I think back to when I was a little girl, I remember having some form of believe. I remember that in the evenings, in secret, I talked to God before I went to bed. Children have a vivid imagination, and I was no exception. I thought that humans were like Lego blocks and that there were someone who ruled us. Someone who decided all movements we did. I must have had some built-in instinct that God exists, and I think all people are born with it.
As I grew up, i lost it. And as a teenager, there was nothing left of the “lego-god belief” I had as a child. I saw religious people as boring and stupid. How could they believe in something that was not proven. It was the same as believing in Disney movies. No, I would live my life. But i diden`t think about the fact that I had not actually seen if there was proof that God existed.
Life took its course, with ups and downs. I did not think so much of the world and other cultures before 11 September 2001. The day the world had their eyes on Islam. My first encounter with Islam came through the news that rolled across the screen day in and day out. The hatred against those stone throwing, uncivilized people grew. Who did they think they were? I read everything I could get over of propaganda against Islam. First time Islam came into my life was as a religion I hated. A religion I linked to terrorism, Middle East, Saddam Hussein, Bin Laden, women who were forced to cover themselves, men who beat women and an enemy that threatened our “peaceful” world. What I at that time thought about Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) I will not write here, I will not even think about it. At this time I was a member of FRP(political party) and was very involved in immigration issues and anything that had to do with Islam. When you’re at that stage it is difficult for anyone to make you change your mind and open your eyes. I had not so much against Muslim people, as long as they were not practicing. I felt very sorry for those women who wore a hijab, or tent as I called it at the time. I thought that they were forced into it by their husbands and that their inmost dream was to throw the towel and be free. The men were in my eyes some evil creatures who thought they were better than everyone else. I want to emphasize that I was not a racist, had nothing against people from other cultures. It was Islam I had something against. But one may question whether it might qualify to call me a racist anyways…
I have for many years known Muslims, so there is no argument that I had no knowledge of the people behind the religion. But those I knew was not practicing Muslims. I thought, therefore, that they were good people because they had become more Western. I’ve eaten pork along with Muslims, and it was for me a relief to see that they had turned their backs on religion. But I had not met practicing Muslims who taught me about Islam. If I were to tell someone about my Muslim acquaintances I always felt a need to reassure them that “The Muslim, eats pork and drinks alcohol, so he/she is not dangerous.” Now in retrospect, I can not do anything but shake my head and laugh at how stupid I was. I knew a few Muslims who never drank alcohol, and had all sorts of theories about them being extreme, etc. Best to watch out because you never knew what organization they belonged to. Maybe a bit exaggerated, but it was almost as bad.
So what is the reason behind this big change in my life? I like to say that Jesus showed me the way to Islam, and it is in some ways true. Although it was God who helped me in the right direction, it was among others, the story of Jesus in Islam that made me open my eyes. But before I went as far as reading about Jesus, what was it that made me take the step to start learning?

My interest in Islam began to flourish again, but this time without hatred.

I had reached a point in my life where I was not so interested in religious themes anymore, had gotten more distanced from the propaganda. After many discussions with religious people, both Christians and Muslims, I was at a stage where I had run out of arguments against religion. I remember one day I was thinking that those who were religious were fortunate to have personal answers to their existence. Now i felt that I respected that others had their religious beliefs, but I diden`t have any.
My interest in Islam began to flourish again, but this time without hatred. I was still convinced that the religion was not any good, but I no longer had the same hatred in my heart. I wanted to find out what the different religions had to say, and maybe I found the answer to my existence and the meaning of life in one of those. After taking a quick look at all the religions in the world, I decided that there must be a monotheistic religion (a religion who believe in only one God). I decided to start with an open mind and a clean slate. I put behind me everything I had learned about Christianity, Judaism and Islam. sat down all alone and without the influence of others, and found out what they really stood for.
I took a trip to the library. I came out of there with 3 dvd movies, one about Christianity, one of Judaism and one about Islam. The first video I wanted to see was about Judaism. But it did not work on my dvd player, and later I found out that you had to be born of a Jewish woman to be Jewish. Then that religion was not an option. I was then left with two choices. Christianity and Islam. I started the dvd movie about Christianity, with a hope that now I might find something that makes me believe. I was already baptized in the church, so it would be very convenient to be Christian. But as I learned more about Christianity, I remembered why I had never believed in God. Those were the stories that Jesus was God’s son. All my life I had had a conviction that Jesus was a man who had lived, but he was not the son of God. For why should God have a son, and why did Christians pray to Jesus?. Jesus prayed never to himself, he prayed to God. This seemed very strange and made no sense. For me to believe in something I need to have proof that it’s true! Well, it was not a religion for me. But there was still 1 dvd left, Islam. When I started the film my goal was no longer to find something to believe in. Then it was more like entertainment and maybe I could learn something new that I could use in discussions about Islam.
I’ll never forget the feeling that hit me right in the heart when I started the movie. It was filmed a mosque and one heard the adhan (call to prayer). I had heard the call to prayer before on my travels to Turkey and Iraq. But they never gave me the feeling I got now. Although I remember when I was in Istanbul and the hotel was right next door to a mosque, I sat in the window waiting for praying time. Because it was so fascinating.
When I saw more of the movie, I learned basic facts about Islam. It is a shame to say that I did not even know about these basic things before. And in spite of it, I had gone around hating Islam for so many years. The film took me on a journey from Muhammad (pbuh) `s first encounter with the angel Gabriel, until how Muslims live today. It was a very nice movie. It diden`t make me believe in Islam, but it planted a seed of curiosity in me. For all of this was new to me. Right after the movie was finished, I opened the computer and it was the beginning of an intense period of approximately 5.monts. I would think that I spent an average of eight hours each day to read about Islam. It was something that happened in secret, not even those who were closest to me knew about this.

In fact, Jesus is mentioned more times in the Quran than Muhammad.

When I came across the story about Jesus, I thought at first that I had come across something about Christianity. But no, there he was. Jesus son of Mary. A prophet of Islam. I remember thinking: Of course he is a prophet. It was as if I had the answer to the question that all my life had kept me away from religion. Islam honors all the prophets, and no other religion in the world respects Jesus as Islam does. The Quran confirms his virgin birth and Mary is considered to have been one of the best women created. She has a whole chapter in the Quran named after her. If you really decide to learn about Islam, you will be amazed to see how similar Christianity and Islam are. In fact, Jesus is mentioned more times in the Quran than Muhammad. If this a couple of years ago had been a question on Who Wants to be a Millionaire , I had lost.
After I got more knowledge the first feelings of fear started to spread. I knew that this was something I began to believe in, but there was no option for me to become a Muslim! I panicked and went into a phase where I decided that this must not be the truth. I had to find evidence that this is not true. I was actively looking for faults with the religion, but it was not possible. You can find things you do not like, or things u wish was different, but that does not mean that  it`s not true! Whenever I came across something that might be wrong, I decided to go deep into it. But again and again I found that it had a very logical explanation and had to be the truth. As the faith grew stronger so did the panic. I was a drug addict where Islam was my dope.
I had to find a way to get away from this, I thought that the solution was Christianity. I would simply go on to become Christian.The belief in God was already so strong that to be non-believer were no longer an option. I put away all the books I had about Islam and sat down and studied Christianity. But it was so many contradictions there, I lacked the sense of logic that I had when I read about Islam. But it gave me some comfort  to know that it is after all the same God in Islam and Christianity. Allah is simply the Arabic name for God. Hmm …. Could I call myself a Christian and not believe that Jesus was God’s son, but a prophet? Could I call myself a Christian and believe that Muhammad was the last prophet of God? One should not really eat pork in Christianity either, so it would not be such a big difference? I looked for all the solutions I could think of, I did not want to be a Muslim! What do you do then, when you know that you believe in Islam, but you don’t want to be a Muslim? The word Muslim was associated with so much negativity. I looked for all kinds of solutions. But the fact was that at that time I was already a Muslim, I was just not ready to admit it to myself yet.

I looked for all the solutions I could think of, I would not be Muslim. What do you do then, when you know that you believe in Islam, but you do not want to be a Muslim?

The search for God had started very calm and relaxed, it had given me inner peace. But over night it had suddenly made ​​me a nervous wreck. I had no one to talk to about this. For then the secret would be out, and no one would understand anyway. While this quest for God unfolded, I had another life outside the four walls. This was a well hidden secret, and I was living a double life. So to those who knew me then, there’s a reason i was sleeping long in the mornings. Evenings and night I used for something else than sleeping and watching tv. In between all the hassle I found great peace in listening to music that was about God. The ones I heard most was Maher Zain, Sami Yusuf and Ahmed Bukhatir.


The song of Maher Zain called Open Your Eyes has very meaningful lyrics and it gave me many answers.

She said something like this: What if you die tomorrow, then it will be too late. To become a Muslim one must have faith that there is only one God and Muhammad is his prophet. Everything else comes with time …

I was active on a forum for Muslim sisters, i used a fake facebook profile so no one would know who I was. I asked many questions and got in that way contact with other Muslims. I remember I made ​​a post in there about converting to Islam. I felt I was not ready yet, because I did not have enough knowledge. I did not know how to pray etc. A girl in there made ​​a comment that changed my life, unfortunately I do not remember who she is. She said something like this: What if you die tomorrow, then it will be too late. To become a Muslim one must have faith that there is only one God and Muhammad is his prophet. Everything else comes with time… This was exactly what I needed to hear to take the final step. I did not know much about how to convert, it’s not a mosque where I live either. So what I did was, I wrote the Shahada down on a paper. I made sure that I was ritually clean (wudu) and turned in the direction of Makkah. I then said these words: “La ilaha il Allah Muhammad al-Rasoul Allah” (“It is no God except Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger”) With these few words I had entered Islam and I had become a Muslim!

“La ilaha il Allah Muhammad al-Rasoul Allah” (“It is no God except Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger”) With these few words I had entered Islam and I had become a Muslim!

I guess many who reads this story can not understand how I could take this step, but the truth is that I had no choice anymore. With all my heart I believe that this is the truth, it is for me no doubt. But in order to believe you must find out what the religion really says. And you are not in a condition to believe until God opens your heart to it. My heart has been closed for so many years, and I feel fortunate to have been given this gift. It’s a personal choice that I have made for myself.  I will not force my belief on anyone. The only thing I ask is my right to have it. I know what many are thinking about me and I know what many people say about me. I know on which points many of you misunderstand Islam. I’ve been on the other side! A few years back I was the one who talked negatively about Islam and Muslims, so I do not judge you. On the contrary, I understand you. But do yourself a favor, find out what Islam really is. Not for me, but for your own sake. There is nothing good to walk around carrying on so much hate, you miss out on so much.

 I will not force my belief on anyone. The only thing I ask is my right to have it. I know what many are thinking about me and I know what many people say about me. I know on which points many of you misunderstand Islam. I’ve been on the other side!

This was my story about what led to me being a Muslim, what happened after that I’ll write about later. It was a long process who made me come out of the closet as a Muslim, until today when I am blogging about it so the whole world can read. Hope you will come back to my blog another time. If you have any questions, or it is something you want me to explain further, just write to me.
Salam alleikom (peace be upon you)

                                                  this story is for sister Anne-Merete and this is the link of her blog http://jannahratherthanvalhalla.wordpress.com/2013/01/14/how-i-found-god-why-i-chose-islam-and-not-christianity/

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Journey to Islam

An argument between myself and a muslim turkish student on religion, me as an atheist totally dismissed every word said, but, during one such discussion something inside me clicked and i really started to listen. That was the turning point 5 years ago, a few nights after this conversation i had the strangest and most amazing experience whilst trying to sleep. I felt a wave of love flow over me and through me, cant really explain but after that i was totally 100% convinced the was a god and Islam was the religion for me. Said my shahada with a friend in a masjid in northern cyprus and have been learning and practicing ever since.

I am on a journey. An irresistible journey. Pulled and coaxed and encouraged slowly forward. Constantly I am reminded of the reason for this changed way of thinking. One moment I was facing a terrible, dark place and the next I had been turned in a new direction and shown a new path. I had thrown away everything and stood alone with nothing. A hand was given to me and I have never let go. On occasions I have faltered on this path and the changes I have made have never been easy. Always I feel like I am leaving the world I knew behind and sometimes this causes me great pain and anguish. Other times I am very happy to let things go, things that have never held my belief. The people I love I am afraid to leave behind. But I have no choice. I have to learn how to deal with all this change well. Sometimes I don’t know what to do or why I feel the way I do. And I struggle. Then I remember the love and mercy and peace I have been given so far and I need more. All the time. This is my jihad.

Certainty

Certainty

Clarity

Allah

The Beginning

The End

The Future

The Hereafter

The Journey Made

The Questions Answered

Take Courage

Give Yourself

Give Of Yourself

To Allah

The Answer

To All Our Questions

Give Certainty

A Chance

An Airing

Give In To Sanity

Say No To Shaitan

Alhamdulillah

Choose The Right Path!

I’ve been brought to my knees

Looked deeply inward to discover who I am

I’ve pulled out the madness, the sadness

Laid it out before me

Cried for the pain I suffered

Cried for the time I wasted

Now I am here alone

But I am not lonely

Only taking time to heal, to rebuild

My hands hold my heart gently

My eyes full of tears for love lost for myself

I repeat to myself, it’s ok, it’s ok, you’re ok

Breathe deeply, sigh, and lower my eyes to the floor

I have me, Allah has given back me

Better than I have ever been

Stronger than ever before

My prayers are not thanks enough

For how I feel to have another chance

The past is in that box in the cupboard

I didn’t have to wait long for it to go

It was ready to leave me

Ready to be put away and left

Now my mind is free again

The possibilities are endless! 

Here

This is where I want to be, right here, right now

There is nowhere I would rather be than right now, right here

Here is…

Here just is…

Everything around me is right here and right now



Everything stopped

Everything came to an abrupt full stop

Teetering on the edge, I nearly slipped

Everything I knew disappeared, dissolving away like a fading dream

I reached, but out to what?



Reality slipped through my fingers

Faster, faster, rushing away, escaping from me

I was left with one thing…

ALLAH, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful

And a choice was put in front of me.

Now I am here

And I can smile, I took the right path

The dark veil was lifted from my eyes and I saw LIFE

I am RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

Praise be to Allah, The Lord of The Worlds.

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My Journey to Islam *** Jill ***

Before Islam i was the most Athiest person i think i knew. I dint not believe there could be a God as how could he let so many bad things happen? I was sexually abused as a child by my brother and had a really bad time accepting that if there was a God how could he let this happen to me? I suffered Irritible bowel syndrome, Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder and trichotillomania as a result of my childhood and still do but alhamdullilah now i can cope with all of these ilnesses.

My journey began before i  had any interaction with muslims i think. I quit smoking as my health was suffering and I quit drinking due to a medical condition that was irritated by any amount of alcohol so i decided that was enough; this was bout 3 years before i met my husband...

I met a man on facebook who told me he was Muslim...my first thought was OH NO!!!! Then he told me he was not practising...so i thought maybe thats not a bad thing. We started talking in February 2009 and he was working in Sweden at the time. In march 2009 i went to Sweden for 6 days to meet him and immedietly fell in love with a true gentleman. We married in May 2009 because although he was not practising he still has Islamic values regarding marriage etc.

On my wedding night i can remember thinking "What have i done" becuase my husband was going on about religion and at the time i was so against religion and didnt want to even talk about it.

Six months later my husband joined me in England. We were living with my parents but that didnt work out and my mother asked us both to leave so we moved to a town 4 hours away. My husband got a job straight away but it took much longer for me so i found myself gravitating towards the library as it was free and i had  a lot of time on my hands. Once there i found myself in the "Religion section" and though well i dotn actually know anything about what my husband believes. I took a book home and read it from cover to cover in what seemed like 5 minutes and from that book i didnt stop i was back and forth to the library picking new books about Islam. I started falling in love...not with a man but with a way of life! Everything i read made sense and most importantly was backed up by modern day science!!!! I was fascinated that something revieled to Prophet Mohammed (may peace be upon him) 1400 years ago could be proven by science over the past 50-100 years. SubhanAllah!

I then remember going to the Islamic Diversity Centre where i live as i wanted to read a Quran but my husband wanted to make sure it was a good translation so we went to ask there and they gave me a free copy (which i was amazed by) - how kind is that giving me a free book! So i went home and read the Quran from start to finish and i was hooked i could not stop wanting to learn. I joined groupd on facebook and met some other converts who at first tried to say i should convert straight away if i believed as we are not promised tomorrow; this kinda put me off. I know there intentions were good but i was still a littlefragile and rebelious at that stage so i didnt convert. Some time after my husbands brother died unexpectedly; this was a great reality check for me and shocked me into thinking that i do not want to die a non believer!!!! The next month during the holy month of Ramadan i said my shahaddah in my husbands country (Tunisia) with him and his sister and it was  magical feeling.

It has been an extremely hard time since converting. I have had a horrible time at work and my mother rejected me once more after our relationship got better so i dotn have a relationship with her which in turn has made my relationship with my father limited as they are married and live together. But Alhamdullilah since reaching out to the muslim community where i live i have met some lovely sisters and attend many events. I am now also getting on alot better at work as i have moved to a different service and am enjoying work again. I started wearing the hijab/veil just over a month ago and feel so empowered and free, i will never take it off In sha Allah :)

In sha Allah in the near future i want to learn to pray. Islam for me has been very small steps and extremely testing and challenging but Alhamdullilah i am the happiest i have ever been becuase i have faith that In sha Allah i will go to paradise and this dunya a test to get to the next.

This is my story so far... with the help of Allah subhana wa tala i want to  be the best person i can be in this life and the next :)

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