My Journey to Islam *** Jill ***

Before Islam i was the most Athiest person i think i knew. I dint not believe there could be a God as how could he let so many bad things happen? I was sexually abused as a child by my brother and had a really bad time accepting that if there was a God how could he let this happen to me? I suffered Irritible bowel syndrome, Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive compulsive disorder and trichotillomania as a result of my childhood and still do but alhamdullilah now i can cope with all of these ilnesses.

My journey began before i  had any interaction with muslims i think. I quit smoking as my health was suffering and I quit drinking due to a medical condition that was irritated by any amount of alcohol so i decided that was enough; this was bout 3 years before i met my husband...

I met a man on facebook who told me he was Muslim...my first thought was OH NO!!!! Then he told me he was not practising...so i thought maybe thats not a bad thing. We started talking in February 2009 and he was working in Sweden at the time. In march 2009 i went to Sweden for 6 days to meet him and immedietly fell in love with a true gentleman. We married in May 2009 because although he was not practising he still has Islamic values regarding marriage etc.

On my wedding night i can remember thinking "What have i done" becuase my husband was going on about religion and at the time i was so against religion and didnt want to even talk about it.

Six months later my husband joined me in England. We were living with my parents but that didnt work out and my mother asked us both to leave so we moved to a town 4 hours away. My husband got a job straight away but it took much longer for me so i found myself gravitating towards the library as it was free and i had  a lot of time on my hands. Once there i found myself in the "Religion section" and though well i dotn actually know anything about what my husband believes. I took a book home and read it from cover to cover in what seemed like 5 minutes and from that book i didnt stop i was back and forth to the library picking new books about Islam. I started falling in love...not with a man but with a way of life! Everything i read made sense and most importantly was backed up by modern day science!!!! I was fascinated that something revieled to Prophet Mohammed (may peace be upon him) 1400 years ago could be proven by science over the past 50-100 years. SubhanAllah!

I then remember going to the Islamic Diversity Centre where i live as i wanted to read a Quran but my husband wanted to make sure it was a good translation so we went to ask there and they gave me a free copy (which i was amazed by) - how kind is that giving me a free book! So i went home and read the Quran from start to finish and i was hooked i could not stop wanting to learn. I joined groupd on facebook and met some other converts who at first tried to say i should convert straight away if i believed as we are not promised tomorrow; this kinda put me off. I know there intentions were good but i was still a littlefragile and rebelious at that stage so i didnt convert. Some time after my husbands brother died unexpectedly; this was a great reality check for me and shocked me into thinking that i do not want to die a non believer!!!! The next month during the holy month of Ramadan i said my shahaddah in my husbands country (Tunisia) with him and his sister and it was  magical feeling.

It has been an extremely hard time since converting. I have had a horrible time at work and my mother rejected me once more after our relationship got better so i dotn have a relationship with her which in turn has made my relationship with my father limited as they are married and live together. But Alhamdullilah since reaching out to the muslim community where i live i have met some lovely sisters and attend many events. I am now also getting on alot better at work as i have moved to a different service and am enjoying work again. I started wearing the hijab/veil just over a month ago and feel so empowered and free, i will never take it off In sha Allah :)

In sha Allah in the near future i want to learn to pray. Islam for me has been very small steps and extremely testing and challenging but Alhamdullilah i am the happiest i have ever been becuase i have faith that In sha Allah i will go to paradise and this dunya a test to get to the next.

This is my story so far... with the help of Allah subhana wa tala i want to  be the best person i can be in this life and the next :)